Ripoff at Gold's Gym Downtown L.A.

Hey, Man, 

You Forgot My Underwear

My carelessness was partly to blame for my most recent ripoff at Gold's Gym in Downtown Los Angeles.

I had removed most of the things from my gym bag, including two water bottles, my shower shoes, my toiletries bag, and the gym wear I changed into.


As soon as I had changed, however, I closed my locker and accidentally left my gym bag on the floor. 

It contained a new razor, an extra workout shirt and a pair of soiled underwear.  I had forgotten to put those shorts into the dirty clothes bin at home.

Things were removed from my bag and my bag was crumpled up in the corner.

It was the second time I had been robbed at Gold's Gym.


A couple of months ago someone broke into my locker and took all of the money ($70) out of my wallet. I found the wallet lying on top of my extra towels on the bottom of the locker. Ten other guys were also robbed that same afternoon.

When I reported the theft at the front desk, another robbed member told me that it was our own fault for bringing money to the gym. I told him he had a poisoned mind set and that I was a victim, not an enabler.

He made me angry. I already felt violated.  I needed sympathy.


This theft was not as serious, although I had been looking forward to shaving my head with the new and missing four-bladed razor.

There is nothing like a fresh shave with a multi-blade razor. After I finish shaving and everything is hairless and smooth, I like to rub baby oil all over my head for that special shiny look.  My high school students used to call me Mr. Clean.

The robber was stupid. What if the razor hadn't been new? How could he tell? Didn't he know that there are possible health risks in shaving with a razor someone else had used?


A spare tank top was also pirated. It was not one of my prized Nautica Ribbed Athletic Tank Tops, though, so this loss was not so bad.

I was wearing one of my new ribbed tanks when I discovered the theft.


The only thing left behind was the pair of dirty underwear.  I had forgotten to take them out after my last workout.

The shorts were a casualty of doing squats. If you've ever done squats, then you know just how hard it is to walk away in clean underwear!

Those dirty shorts turned out to be my hero. Ever since the robbery, I delight in fantasies of the thief picking up those raunchy underpants. 

It falls short of absolute retribution, but I cherish the fantasy.

So hey, man, you forgot my underwear, but don't worry. I'll leave them in the bag forever in case you come back again.  

It will be my pleasure.